How to Bag a Hot Chick

For those of you expecting some sort of how too manual on getting laid, sorry to disappoint you, it would kind of be like the blind leading the naked. Not to say I haven't seen a few hot babes naked, but strip bars and platonic friends you have baths with don't count.

So what is this post about then you ask. Well, good question, I will let you know once I figure it out for myself. For now, let's call it verbal Diarrhea with a catchy title.

I was browsing through facebook and ran across an interesting change in a friends' profile. Yes a female friend and she is definitely a "Hot Chick" and also falls into that growing category of "Hot Chicks I have not bagged." Not for a lack of trying of course, just a matter of misguided and clumsy attempts.




So anyways, back to the Facebook changes. First of all, I noticed she was no longer with this monkey man she was reportedly "In love with" and now there was a Post-coital picture of a Vancouver Canucks player with the caption "...leaving my house." His hair was all mussed up and he looked like something the cat dragged in. Whatever the case, he obviously just bagged "My hot Chick." No, I'm not laying claim to her, just pointing out two things... 1) She is hot and 2) I want to bag her.

If it sounds like I am slightly jealous... well ya abit. The thing is, she has made it clear she is not interested in doing a married guy. No honey, I am not trying to step out on our Marriage, I'm just talking... Of course, if Tamara Taggart begged me, I might have some trouble saying no. But she is being bagged by a Rockstar and has recently joined the elustrious club of MILF's. Congrats Eh!

Now for the title of this Blog, well, obviously the above situation brought the question "How to bag a Hot Chick" into my mind. Not as a serious question, just as sort of an observation on a "Hot Chick" who claims to be looking for love. Not to sound bitter, but you know the type who always goes for a certain type and then wonders why they are a single mother of 3 or 4 at the age of 38. I guess I should have titled this blog "How to Bag a Hot MILF."

The thing is, I know a number of women who fit into this category. Always looking for "Mr. Right" and completely missing "Mr. Right in front of her face." Looking back, I can say alot of this was my fault. First of all, if you want something, you need to go after it. I'm not saying stalking or by making lewd comments on how you want to "Bag her." Honest compliments help as does a general level of honesty and sincerity. It is always good to be polite and stay away from negativity. A positive outlook on life and friendly demeanor are also positive attributes to have when seeking out and bagging a hot chick.

Failing that, being a rich Hockey player with a face that looks like it has been hit by a truck (a few times) will also get you that ever sought after "Hot Chick." Sh!t, you don't even have to be a Hockey Player, just having buttloads of cash will do the trick... after all, look at Tiger Woods.

Star Trek Cologne - Never Having To Say You Live In Your Parents Basement

With Christmas not even close to around the corner, some marketing genius has come up with Star Trek Cologne. I'm not saying I don't think Star Trek Cologne will sell, the question is, who would want to wear a cologne that instantly warns pretty much any available woman with a nose you live in your parents' basement.




I know this blog is going to instantly make Star Trek fans reach for their light sabres in a fit of geek anger. Now don't start jumping up and down in some sort of happy geek I know more than you moment, I know Light Sabres are from Star Wars. The thing is, I have a life and I tend not to worry about little things like that, I only waste a few minutes of my time writing about this drivel.

On that note, I think I will go have sex with a woman... Oh ya, I'm married so that means spankin' to the Tiffany Shepherd Porno Video

Mothers Day Searches - Useless Children

It seems technology has taken over for pure common sense and grey matter in today's children. There seems to be no problem or inability for most to go to Google and type in what they are looking for but simple things like HOW TO MAKE A CUP OF COFFEE seem to have gone by the wayside.

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With today being Mothers day, many useless twat's and basement dwellers are searching for ways to thank their mothers for the years of free rent and of course pushing them out of her hoo hoo dilly in the first place. Ergo the hot search topics of the day. Check these out, they are great for a good laugh

free printable mothers day cards

Come on people, she gave birth to you, spend "a buck fiddy" and get her a real card you stingy shit. Or at least grab a pack of crayons and make your own.

how to make french toast

Really quite simple. Scramble up some eggs, pour in a little milk. dip bread in milk fry bread. You could also add sugar to the mix and sprinkle the egg soaked bread with cinnamon

how to make scrambled eggs

You can't be fvcking serious!!! This was number 4. Look up the word scramble, that should give you a hint... Honestly, can you walk and chew gum at the same time?

how to make an omelette

Pretty much the same as scrambled egs, kinda like a scrambled agg pancake with cheese on it.


cooking bacon in the oven

Ya ok

Fathers day

Wrong month people, learn how to use the schedule on your PDA

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The Axe on BRAZILIAN WAX

I was muddling around the geeknet looking for interesting stories and stumbled across this little tidbit about New Jersey Health Officials proposing a BAN ON BRAZILIAN WAXING. What can I say, the title caught my attention. Apparently, there have been a couple of BRAZILIANS GONE BAD in New Jersey and the officials wanted to get control of the situation before women all over the state got sore pooters.



This story reminded me about a conversation I had with a customer of mine right around Valentines day.... Yes, I talk to my customers about shaved pussy's. Anyways, this particular customer owns a beauty salon and she was saying BRAZILIAN WAXING appointments go up a few days before Valentines day. Aside from a boner, my immediate response was... not in my household. So of course, being the curious individual I am, I asked my wife why not. Apparently not a good idea, response was fast and furious and included a suggestion that I have my Netherland forest waxed. NoT A FRICKIN' CHANCE.
After that day, my new found trivia on BRAZILIAN WAXING became water cooler banter whenever I had the opportunity to bring it up in mixed company... kinda the way I fly. Anyways, another customer in the salon business brought up an interesting and very disturbing commentary. Apparently, she has several "Male" Clients who like to get their no no naughty place waxed. Being the homophobe I am, my thoughts immediately went to "How gay is that"

At the end of the day, it seems the New Jersey Health officials got hold of their senses and decided to drop the whole silly idea of BANNING BRAZILIAN WAXING. Women... and apparently men, can now rest in peace knowing they do not have to suffer through razor burn and stubble to get the pre-pubescent race car clean look.

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NEW JERSEY PROPOSES BAN ON BRAZILIAN WAXING

Nobody's Hero - To Quote Neil Peart

I kind of toyed around with which blog to place this post in for abit. I was contemplating MonkeyGuano, simply because of the Human stupidity involved but at the end of the day, it is really about my opinion and that is what this blog is all about.

Michael Thomas Gargiulo was arrested in connection with the murder of, Ashley Ellerin, Tricia Pacaccio and most recently Janecia Peters. These murders, although very disturbing, are unfortunately not that uncommon in our modern society. The thing which makes this case unique is the connection to Hollywood.

You see, Ashley Ellerin was Ashton Kutcher's girlfriend at the time of her murder.

Aside from the murder itself, the one thing which really disturbs me is how the prime focus of the media on this case seems to be towards Ashley Ellerin. I'm not saying the murder of Ashley wasn't tragic and doesn't deserve the attention of the media, however, there is very little mention of the other victims or even the whole reason this Michael piece of sub-human filth was picked up.

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Search Trends for "Ashley Ellerin Picture"

Further to add to my disdain is the Google searches that followed. It seems the general internet public is on a search for pictures of Ashley Ellerin. I'm not saying people should be searching for pictures of Tricia Pacaccio or should not be searching for pictures of Ashley, I am simply pointing out my disapointment with a society which feels the need to separate an individuals' importance by degree's of or connection to fame. Had Tricia been dating one of the Jonah's brothers at the time of her untimely death, I'm sure she would have been the top of the search engines. Sadly though, she passed before reaching her true potential as the focus of media whoring. I don't know, but maybe that is better for her and her family.
In case you actually read to the bottom of this page, the above picture was meant in no disrespect to Angela Joesbury, her friends or her family. I am merely trying to illustrate a point. Just so you know, Angela was one of the Pickton Victims.